{"id":261,"date":"2005-08-09T11:49:06","date_gmt":"2005-08-09T18:49:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/keymasterproductions.com\/blog\/?p=261"},"modified":"2019-01-10T19:16:12","modified_gmt":"2019-01-10T19:16:12","slug":"old-enough-to-know-better","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.keymasterproductions.com\/blog\/2005\/08\/09\/old-enough-to-know-better\/","title":{"rendered":"Old Enough To Know Better"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>From the <strong>&#8220;I Don&#8217;t Know <em>What<\/em> To Say&#8221; Department:<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Emergency workers helped a New Hampshire man out of a difficult situation over the weekend after a friend apparently locked a padlock around his testicles.<\/p>\n<p>According to the <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">Portsmouth Herald,<\/span> police reported that the 39-year-old man was intoxicated when they arrived at the scene on July 30 at about 3:40 a.m. The man, who was not identified, told them that he had the padlock around his testicles for two weeks.<\/p>\n<p>The man said that a friend put the lock on while he was drunk and passed out. When he woke up, the friend was gone.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Never in my 13 years have I seen anything like this,&#8221; Cpl. H.D. Wood told the Herald. The man told police that he tried to remove the lock with a hacksaw because the key had broken off in the lock.<\/p>\n<p>He was taken to Exeter Hospital, where a locksmith removed the padlock. He was treated and released, and the hospital said he had no lasting injury. Police said that they did not know the motive for the incident.<\/p>\n<p>I would surmise the motive was to goon it up. This crime reeks of goonage to me. I bet his friends can&#8217;t wait for his 40th birthday party. Hopefully that&#8217;ll make the papers as well.<\/p>\n<p>Via Todd<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>From the &#8220;I Don&#8217;t Know What To Say&#8221; Department: Emergency workers helped a New Hampshire man out of a difficult situation over the weekend after a friend apparently locked a padlock around his testicles. According to the Portsmouth Herald, police reported that the 39-year-old man was intoxicated when they arrived at the scene on July [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[255,278,508],"class_list":["post-261","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-ramblings","tag-funny","tag-goons","tag-prank"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.keymasterproductions.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/261","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.keymasterproductions.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.keymasterproductions.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.keymasterproductions.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.keymasterproductions.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=261"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/www.keymasterproductions.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/261\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4032,"href":"http:\/\/www.keymasterproductions.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/261\/revisions\/4032"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.keymasterproductions.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=261"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.keymasterproductions.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=261"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.keymasterproductions.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=261"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}