What The Hell Am I Looking At? When Will Then Be Now?

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The answer is “maybe never.” One my favorite movie quotes all time is from Spaceballs – its the classic “We’re looking at now, sir. Everthing that happens now is happening now…” quote (I’ve included the entire quote after the jump). However, a young astrophysicist named Peter Lynds has forumlated a theory which states that “time” is merely an illusion, that time has no divisible unit and therefore there is no “now,” only sequences of events. I know what you are thinking – “Whoa.” I’ll give you a second to process that.

He came up with this idea after watching IQ back home in New Zealand – I shit you not. After the movie, he couldn’t shake the idea that if Zeno’s paradoxes are true, then there is no such thing as a discrete slice of time. So, he began working on a paper stating as such and eventually it was published to widespread notoriety.

His theory threatens to turn the entire physics universe on its head and here’s the best part: he’ a 30 year old college dropout living in a hillside flat described by a Wired reporter as a “cross betwen a tree house and a Hobbit hole.” In fact, the entire Wired article about Peter Lynds is a fascinating read and I heartily suggest you read it.

As promised, one of my favorite quotes of all-time:

Dark Helmet: What the hell am I looking at? When does this happen in the movie?

Colonel Sandurz: Now. You’re looking at now, sir. Everything that happens now is happening now.

Dark Helmet: What hapened to then?

Colonel Sandurz: We passed then.

Dark Helmet: When?

Colonel Sandurz: Just now. We’re at now now.

Dark Helmet: Go back to then.

Colonel Sandurz: When?

Dark Helmet: Now!

Colonel Sandurz: Now?

Dark Helmet: Now!

Colonel Sandurz: I can’t.

Dark Helmet: Why?

Colonel Sandurz: We missed it.

Dark Helmet: When?

Colonel Sandurz: Just now.

Dark Helmet: When will then be now?

Colonel Sandurz: Soon.

Dark Helmet: How soon?

Private: Sir.

Dark Helmet: What?

Private: We’ve identified there location.

Dark Helmet: Where?

Private: It’s the moon of Vega.

Colonel Sandurz: Good work. Set a course and prepare for our arrival.

Dark Helmet: When?

Private: 1900 hours.

Colonel Sandurz: By high noon tomorrow they will be our prisoners.

Dark Helmet: WHO!?


Burt’s Slap Attack

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I usually do not post about celebrities but this was hard to resist. It seems that Burt Reynolds decided to vent his anger over his recent awful plastic surgery by slapping one poor CBS News reporter. When the reporter professed his ignorance about the plot of “The Longest Yard,” Reynolds gave him a good one. I find it funnier how he never broke eye contact with the camera while physically and then verbally abusing said reporter. As Warner Wolf would say, “let’s go to the video tape!”


The Sith Sense

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Challenge Darth Vader to a game of 20 questions he likes to call The Sith Sense. My object was an radish which he guessed on the 17th question. Once again, the agency handling the Burger King account has developed a seriously cool viral concept. I especially likes the effect when Vader shakes your screen.

Cool stuff.

Thanks Scott


Thrilled with Episode III Am I

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I saw “Revenge of the Sith” at 12:01 AM (though it didn’t actually start until 12:10 AM) and it was awesome. Yes, there was some wooden dialogue but for the most part, it rocked. Seriously, I’m not just saying this and I’m not in denial like I was for Episodes I and II. If anything, twice burned equals more than thrice shy and I was very wary, though hopefully optimistic, going into tonight. However, the consensus opinion from the 7 people I saw it with ranged from “wow, that was really, really good” and “that was fucking awesome” (kev smith was right I guess) to “[beaming smile].” The best part? I’m seeing it again in less than 15 hours!

The Republic is dead. Long live the Republic.


Fox Gets Arrested One More Time

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This just in: Fox gives low-rated ‘Development’ a late reprieve. “Arrested Development” will definitely be back next season as Fox has officially renewed the show for one more season. “Arrested Development” is one of broadcast’s most critically beloved comedies, but the ratings haven’t been there. This season the Emmy winner averaged just a 2.8 share among viewers 18-49s (which is pretty bad).

I thought for certain that it was either getting cancelled or moved to an ancillary cable network that Fox owns. This is one of the very few shows on TV I look forward to watching so I’m very jazzed at this development. ha ha.

Thanks Jessie


Bedside Chat

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I read in today’s NY Times a great story by Thomas W. Gross M.D. about how sometimes the best prescription a doctor can offer is simply lending his ear. I have provided the full text after the jump.

How Much for an Hour of Schmoozing, Doc?

By THOMAS W. GROSS, M.D. May 17, 2005

In our economy, productivity is often measured in units of time. Time is then converted to money. We hire architects, lawyers, plumbers and piano teachers, and we pay them by the hour.

The current medical reimbursement system pays by the job performed, not by the time spent.

Your appendectomy is charged on a flat rate, like a brake job. The surgeon who performs your appendectomy gets paid the same if he takes one hour or two, as long as he takes out only one appendix.

Your family doctor receives the same reimbursement for diagnosing a sinus infection in 6 minutes as he does if he takes 30 minutes.

In our current system, there is no way to buy an hour of your doctor’s time just to talk.

The doctor can give you that time free, but under most health plans he cannot bill you for it.

With the current rate of exchange, as dictated by the health insurance companies, an hour spent talking with your physician has no value.

One night when I was an intern, the nurses paged me around 2 a.m. and requested a sleeping pill for an elderly man with an infection. Imagine that – being unable to sleep in a hospital. That hardly ever happens.

I was up anyway. Interns never sleep, except at lectures, and sometimes in the hospital cafeteria. I was waiting for the results of some laboratory tests for a recent admission.

Because not all sleeping pills are created equal, I went to see this patient before ordering any medication for him. I pulled up a chair, and sat by his bedside. We started to talk.

I learned that he was Hungarian. Before World War II, when he lived in Budapest, he had been a lawyer, a specialist in international law.

Given his description of Eastern Europe in the late 1930’s, I tried to imagine how challenging his job must have been.

After the war broke out, he was drafted, and rose to the rank of lieutenant colonel, ultimately serving in six different armies, first in Poland, then back in Hungary and then in Romania.

He was later drafted into the German Wehrmacht, and then escaped and was captured by the British. So desperate were the various armies for cannon fodder that original allegiances were immaterial.

He eventually served in the Canadian forces, and then the United States Army. After that, he immigrated to this country and obtained American citizenship.

Ineligible to sit for the bar exam, or to practice law in the United States, he found a job as a janitor in the university library. He eventually worked his way up to become the assistant librarian at the law school.

In his hospital room, we sat and talked for quite a while, but about history, not medicine. I got a glass of water for him and a cup of burnt coffee for myself. He taught me some jokes in Hungarian, and a few in Polish and Ukrainian.

Most of the jokes were about the Communists. It took him forever to get me to understand the punch lines from different languages and cultures, but once I did, we both laughed.

He finally said he was becoming tired, and he fell asleep as I was turning out the light. I slipped away and wandered down the quiet hallway to check my overdue lab reports.

Even in my sleep-deprived state, I was not oblivious to the lesson he had taught me. Rather than prescribe a medication to make him drowsy, I had let him talk himself to sleep.

The next morning, he was more alert than he would have been if I had prescribed a sleeping aid. His infection had abated enough to allow him to go home.

The colonel slept through the night. Twenty years later, I remember more about him than I would have if I had called in a tranquilizer.

I still remember how to say “to your health” in seven Eastern European languages. You’d be amazed how frequently that comes in handy.

I still remember how many K.G.B. agents it takes to screw in a light bulb.

I hope I never forget what I learned that night: Time is not money. Time is medicine.


From Monty

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Trip Down Mass Marketing, Media Tie-In Lane

So, I’m listening to Virgin Radio on-line this morning, and “Star Wars” Episode III has already debuted in London (5/16/05), and there is supposed to be an interview with C-3PO at some point today (evening London time). It got me thinking about C-3PO and all the merchandising Star Wars has generated…a memory came to me, and of course a Google search has come through once again…

C-3POs Cereal

Do you remember these things? As I recall, they were basically Cheerios in the shape of a digital looking 8, slightly sweetened, and total horseshite….and I had to have them. Especially since there was usually a cheap cut-out cardboard mask on the back of the box…ah the memories. Can’t wait to see Episode III on Thursday at 12:01 A.M…does this make me a dork? I won’t be wearing any costumes, or reciting any lines. However, I may hit on a couple of Princess Leia’s…if they are dressed a la Return of the Jedi…


Episode III Doesn’t Suck? Can it be possible?

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Bestill my fanboy heart. The reviews are coming in and so far, so good. I’ve gotten excited before, actually twice before, only to end up in denial for several months before admitting to severe disappointment so I’m trying not to get too worked up until I see the damn thing at 12:01 AM, Thursday May 19th. Then again, this is what Kevin Smith has to say:

“Revenge of the Sith” is, quite simply, fucking awesome. This is the “Star Wars” prequel the haters have been bitching for since “Menace” came out, and if they don’t cop to that when they finally see it, they’re lying.

Okay, so I’m getting excited. After the jump there are links to some reviews.
NY Times review
Premiere Magazine review