ramblings

I’ve Got A Fever And The Only Cure Is More Coq Roq News

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I just love how this story has legs, or maybe drumsticks would be the better term.

First of all, if you google “coq roq” this blog is at the bottom of the first results page, which might explain the healthy amount of comments on the first Coq Roq related post.

Second, it turns out that some fellow rocker are offended. The KISS/Gwar combo rockers (who cannot spell) SliPKnot are suing BK because “SliPKnoT fans have expressed confusion and criticism over what they think is SliPKnoT endorsing Burger King.” Get the full legal complaint at, where else, the Smoking Gun’s site.

Thanks once again goes to Todd.

ramblings

I Have Good News

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If by just reading that headline you were thinking “I just saved a bundle on my car insurance by switching to Geico,” then you’ll probably agree with the statement that Geico has the most memorable commercials on television right now. Period. I challenge you to present me with an ad campaign that is better. I love how there is no master concept holding them all together yet how that in itself is the master concept of the campaign. I love the randomness and that half of the time you have no clue you are seeing a Geico ad until you hear the tag line. They are short, irreverent and somehow, partly through immense repetition, they stick with you. More importantly, they have become part of every day life. Some examples:

* After my accountant plugged all my info into his PC program to prepare my 2005 tax return, he turned to me and said, “Good news.” I started to guess how much he was going to tell me I was getting back when he said, “I just saved a bundle by switching to Geico.” He is so dry I never saw it coming.

* When I first moved into my new apartment building, I described how I felt about the new place by asking, “Have you ever seen the Geico Tiny House commercial? Its like that.” To see Tiny House, my all time favorite Geico commercial — “I’m just trying to make an omelette!” — click here, then click “What We’ve Done” and “Geico.”).

* When I provided tech support to my friend Greg a few weeks ago, I said that something was so easy “a caveman could do it” and then we both made sure there were no caveman’s around who would be insulted by that statement.

One day, and that day may never come, I’ll call upon Geico to do a favor for me by saving me up to $500 in 15 minutes on car insurance. Until then, I will just get a nice laugh by watching their ads.

ramblings

I Am Still Being Stalked

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Update on a past post: The NY Times real estate section which has in the past stalked me is once again stalking me by writing an article titled “Settling for the Upper East Side.” Since I wrote that previous post, Jessie and I wound up buying an apartment after all in the, what else, UES and yeah, I felt like we “settled” at first. However, in the end we both couldn’t be happier. Central Park & the Met are only 2 blocks away, affordable restaurants abound, many of our friends are nearby and there is a store for everything we could ever want right at our fingertips, which is something we definitely lacked downtown at 50 Murray. As cool as that building was, it was an island in a sea of nothing and we barely took advantage of half that the island offered. While I do miss being downtown, the great architecture and the grandeur of living closer to the pulse of the city, I am going to enjoy watching my dog Bingham pee on the Temple of Dendur’s window (if he can reach that high) as we play in the park. To every season, turn, turn, turn…

Anyway, if this continues and I still receive no credit or acknowledgement as the inspiration for a years worth of NY Times stories, I will be forced to take the appropriate action.

music

In Memory of Jerry

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Today marks the 10th anniversary of the day Jerry Garcia passed away. I remember exactly where I was and who told me: in front of Lori’s house and by Shrujal as he stood in front of his parent’s Mercedes 2 door convertible. “Did you hear that Jerry is dead?, ” he said almost happily (he was not a fan of long-haired freaky people). “Not just in the Dead but dead dead.”

To mark this occasion, the NY Times has an article in today’s paper about what has happened to his and his band’s legacy since then. Feel free to read it after the jump.

Jerry Garcia: The Man, the Myth, the Area Rug

By SETH SCHIESEL

Published: August 9, 2005

SAN FRANCISCO, Aug. 8 – One of the icons of modern American culture now resides in a nondescript warehouse about 30 miles north of here, in a windowless, climate-controlled, heavily-alarmed room built like a bomb shelter that is called simply the Vault.

There, in towering rows of 13,000 audiotapes, 3,000 videotapes and about 250,000 feet of traditional 16-millimeter film lives the recorded history of the Grateful Dead, one of the seminal American rock bands.

The Grateful Dead ceased to exist on Aug. 9, 1995, when the band’s lead guitarist and most recognizable figure, Jerry Garcia, died at age 53 of a heart attack at a drug treatment center. Yet 10 years later, the man and the band remain alive for millions of fans, and the once notoriously ad hoc Grateful Dead business operation has become a model for a music industry struggling with the Internet and digital democracy.

“When I first got into the record business I learned that it wasn’t cool to be into the Grateful Dead,” said Christopher Sabec, 40, a lawyer who said he saw the band more than 250 times and is now chief executive of the Jerry Garcia Estate L.L.C., controlled by Mr. Garcia’s heirs. “But if you look at where the music business has been forced to go by technology, now it’s not about selling records. It’s about live shows and inspiring a fan base to be absolutely loyal. Hello? Who did that first? The Grateful Dead.”

The Jerry Garcia company and Grateful Dead Productions are separate businesses each generating millions of dollars of revenue a year. Just how many millions is not publicly known. But consumers still buy more than a million J. Garcia-brand neckties each year, and Cherry Garcia is often the top-selling brand of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream, each pint generating royalties for the Garcia heirs.

The band’s four surviving members – the drummers Mickey Hart and Bill Kreutzmann, the bassist Phil Lesh and the guitarist Bob Weir – have toured occasionally as the Dead, though not this year. They control the Grateful Dead’s licensing business, which oversees thousands of products sold around the world, like gas tank caps, incense burners, golf club covers and sandals. (The Garcia company receives a share of the proceeds.)

But for cultural and practical matters, the heart of the Grateful Dead’s legacy resides in the 10,000 cubic feet of space in Novato, north of San Francisco. The Vault feeds a continuing business based on regular releases of old concert recordings on iTunes, on the band’s Web sites and in stores, feeding old Deadheads and creating new fans.

Physically, there is only one key to the Vault, and only two people know where to find it. David Lemieux, 34, the band’s archivist, is one of them. Jeffrey Norman, one of the band’s engineers, is the other.

“This is it, the key to the Vault,” Mr. Lemieux said, holding up the gleaming shard of metal, a sliver that to some Deadheads may be more sacred than a splinter from the True Cross.

One major way the band and the Garcia company have kept the flame alive is by regularly releasing audio and video recordings of old concerts that have been restored with the latest digital techniques. Two years ago, for instance, the band released a DVD of its performance that closed San Francisco’s legendary Winterland Ballroom on Dec. 31, 1978.

“There is just no way we could have done the Winterland release without the current technology,” Mr. Lemieux said in his memorabilia-plastered office.

For fans used to fuzzy old cassettes, the new releases are a revelation.

“Many of us Deadheads are experiencing a renaissance now in our appreciation for the band because such high-quality recordings are available,” said Amir Bar-Lev, 33, a filmmaker from New York who said he saw the band more than 100 times. “Ten years ago I was listening to 20th-generation tapes kicking around the floor of my car. Now, thanks to all of the technology, I can hear the band in all its glory.”

Mr. Weir, the guitarist, said in a telephone interview on Friday from West Virginia, where he was on tour with his band RatDog, that although Mr. Garcia sometimes resented his own celebrity, he would have been pleased that his music endured. “I’m glad people can still enjoy it,” he said.

He continued: “I am a big fan of Duke Ellington and I never saw him live. I’m a big fan of John Coltrane and I never saw him live. I don’t want to put us on that level, but we don’t play all of this music casually or callously, and of course Jerry would appreciate people being able to experience it.”

More broadly, the Grateful Dead’s emphasis on touring over selling records presaged the music industry’s current predicament over file-sharing on the Internet.

The Grateful Dead was the first major band to allow fans to freely make and trade recordings of its live performances in the belief that spreading the music that way would ensure long-term success. That formula was later adopted almost wholesale by other successful bands, including Phish, andfans still avidly trade live Grateful Dead recordings online.

Even though there are now high-quality recordings for sale, created using the official sound-mixing boards used at concerts, fans are still free to trade recordings made in the crowd. The band used to offer a special section of seating for amateur tapers.

“They wanted to create a space for themselves and their fans to gather and play, and that didn’t sit well in the offices of the record business,” said Mr. Sabec, who is perhaps best known in the music industry for discovering and managing the 1990’s teen-pop group Hanson. “Now I find myself sitting in meetings where other bands are using the Dead as a model.”

In the years immediately after Mr. Garcia’s death, Grateful Dead merchandising brought in more than $50 million in annual gross revenue. That figure may have declined a bit since then, and the band’s licensing activities are now separate from the Garcia estate’s business affairs, but both entities continue to thrive.

In addition to ties and ice cream, the Garcia company has expanded into rugs and wine. An artist as well as a musician, Mr. Garcia signed his work “J. Garcia.”

“I’m not trying to turn the J. Garcia brand into something you find at Target, but I am trying to broaden it,” Mr. Sabec said. “There are J. Garcia carpets that my mother would be happy to have in her house, and she’s not a Deadhead. If you were to position it only for people who were fans of Jerry’s music, it would be a much smaller market than what we’re going for.”

Yet even as the Garcia company has expanded its ambitions, the band’s business wing, Grateful Dead Productions, has in some ways pared down its operations in recent years, like many United States companies.

For a few years after Mr. Garcia’s death, as the technology bubble expanded (Aug. 9, 1995, was also the day Netscape stock went public, signaling the coming dot-com boom), the band pursued a vision of creating a business tentatively called Bandwagon, which would function as a one-stop merchandising and online distribution operation for a variety of musical acts. In addition, the band came close to creating what would have amounted to a countercultural theme park in San Francisco.

“The whole Bandwagon thing was a function of the dot-com mania, especially spectacularly in the Bay Area,” said Dennis McNally, the band’s longtime publicist and historian. “There was also an idea of creating a performance space and museum called Terrapin Station, which we figured we needed $50 million to do. And in the context of the dot-com revolution, that seemed perfectly doable.”

In the end, the band balked at potentially having to cede final control of the projects to outside investors. And as the dot-com bubble burst, the band went in the opposite direction. It laid off dozens of longtime employees, closing its own warehouse and largely outsourcing the logistics of the memorabilia business.

Now, the band has only about 10 employees, including Mr. Lemieux at the Vault.

Although the theme park never came to be, on Sunday in San Francisco, the city unveiled the newly renamed Jerry Garcia Amphitheater in John McLaren Park, near the blue-collar Excelsior District where Mr. Garcia grew up before moving to the better-known Haight-Ashbury neighborhood.

Backstage at the event, Mr. Garcia’s older brother, Tiff, seemed to share his sibling’s somewhat ambivalent attitude toward the marketing of celebrity.

“They’re trying to do an Elvis on him, with all of the garments and merchandise and different items,” he said. “But I’m not surprised. He meant so much to so many people, and I’m proud of the fact that one individual could draw so much attention.”

ramblings

Old Enough To Know Better

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From the “I Don’t Know What To Say” Department:

Emergency workers helped a New Hampshire man out of a difficult situation over the weekend after a friend apparently locked a padlock around his testicles.

According to the Portsmouth Herald, police reported that the 39-year-old man was intoxicated when they arrived at the scene on July 30 at about 3:40 a.m. The man, who was not identified, told them that he had the padlock around his testicles for two weeks.

The man said that a friend put the lock on while he was drunk and passed out. When he woke up, the friend was gone.

“Never in my 13 years have I seen anything like this,” Cpl. H.D. Wood told the Herald. The man told police that he tried to remove the lock with a hacksaw because the key had broken off in the lock.

He was taken to Exeter Hospital, where a locksmith removed the padlock. He was treated and released, and the hospital said he had no lasting injury. Police said that they did not know the motive for the incident.

I would surmise the motive was to goon it up. This crime reeks of goonage to me. I bet his friends can’t wait for his 40th birthday party. Hopefully that’ll make the papers as well.

Via Todd

space

Space News

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I had a fitful night’s rest last night, woke up twice early this morning and each time turned on the tele to see if Discovery made it back okay. Due to bad weather, we’ll all have to wait until tomorrow to see. My friend Phyllis asked, “I wonder if the wee hours were on purpose, or just orbit-related” and you know what? I’m wondering the same thing…

In other space news, I found on Chris’s site an excellent analysis of the shuttle program, it’s limited success, and its multiple shortcomings written by one Maciej Ceglowski. If you are at all interested in space, its a fascinating read.

Phyll sent me to a Smoking Gun post about a memo William Safire wrote in 1969 which provided a speech for President Nixon to read in case Armstrong and Aldren were stranded on the moon. Just like the SG, I find the “widows-to-be” part morbidly amusing.

ramblings

I’m Gonna Get Medieval On Yo Ass

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It seems that Michigan resident Robert McClain thought that his four-foot sword, chainmail armored vest, leather gauntlets and giant wooden mallet would be able to best the local police department.

“I’m gonna crush your fucking skulls,” Michigan resident Robert McClain warned police officers when they trailed him to his home after an auto accident. “I have a thousand years of power.”

It seems that a non-enchanted taser is more powerful than all of those put together, millennium worth of power be damned.

Thanks Phyl

ramblings

Who Doesn't Love Sexually Loaded Yiddishisms?

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The NY Times has an interesting article today about Krazy Tyrone, ne Paul Krohn, who is the last of the Catskills “tummlers,” (pronounced TOOM-ler, with the oo as in look, it is derived from the Yiddish word for noisemaker) the in-house jesters whose sole job is to keep hotel guests amused before, during and after the all-you-can eat meals. Alan King, Danny Kaye, Billy Crystal, Jerry Lewis and Jackie Mason all got their start as tummlers.

After the jump, read the full article about this latest “last of a dying breed.”

August 5, 2005

From the Catskills’ Last House Jester, Kosher Corn

By Andrew Jacobs

MONTICELLO, N.Y., Aug. 3 – Blanche Pearlman and Mary Borack were moving slowly through the lobby of Kutsher’s Country Club on their way to bingo when they were ambushed by the man in the tutti-frutti-patterned Spandex unitard, striped leggings and gold Star of David around his neck.

“Nice purse, ladies,” said the man, known in these parts as Krazy Tyrone. “You got some Danish in there?” They tried to wave him off, but Krazy Tyrone is not so easily thwarted. “Do you believe in sex before marriage?” he asked. “I don’t,” came the answer before they could respond. “It holds up the wedding.”

He had just started telling Mrs. Pearlman that she was so sweet that she could give a man diabetes when the public address system ruined his punch line.

“Alfred Silverman to the front desk. Alfred Silverman to the front desk.”

The momentary distraction gave the women a chance to escape and Krazy Tyrone was left to find other victims, including a corpulent man with a cane who was told: “You’re a nice advertisement for Kutsher’s food. You’re eating like you’re going to the electric chair.”

For the last two decades, Krazy Tyrone’s life has been an unending cascade of ribald one-liners, sexually loaded Yiddishisms and of course, a daily Simon Sez tournament where the come-on is $1,000 in moist prize money that’s kept wadded up in his sock. “I’m so good, no one has ever won,” he said pulling out a harmonica and playing “Oh Susannah” with his right nostril.

A startlingly flamboyant man who moves like Pee-wee Herman on amphetamines, Krazy Tyrone, n� Paul Krohn, is the last of the Catskills “tummlers,” the in-house jesters whose sole job is to keep hotel guests amused before, during and after the all-you-can eat meals. When he is not playing host to trivia contests or demonstrating his jump-rope prowess by the pool, Mr. Krohn can be found at one of the hotel’s Ping-Pong tables playing with the skillet or rubber hand he keeps stowed in his duffel bag of tricks. When bored, he’ll have other staff members take photos of him hamming it up next to guests who have fallen asleep on one of the hotel’s many sofas. “Hey lady,” he’ll shout across the cavernous lobby. “How did Captain Hook die? He had jock itch and scratched himself with the wrong hand.” Many of his favorite quips, most of them unprintable, involve breasts.

Mr. Krohn’s occupation is unique to the borscht belt, where hundreds of hotels and bungalow colonies competed for the affections of the millions of New York City Jews who made the Catskills their summer refuge before air-conditioning, cheap airfare and changing tastes drained the region of its lifeblood.

The hotel tummler (pronounced TOOM-ler, with the oo as in look) was often a steppingstone to bigger careers in comedy. Alan King, Danny Kaye, Billy Crystal, Jerry Lewis and Jackie Mason all got their start as tummlers. Others, like Mr. Krohn, 49, never left the mountains, although he makes frequent freelance appearances at nearby Hasidic bungalow colonies or at lavish bar mitzvahs in New Jersey, where his Simon Sez challenge is a big draw. “I like to frustrate spoiled Jewish kids,” he said grinning. “They all think they’re so smart but no one ever lasts a minute.”

Before he was hired at Kutsher’s in 1986, he worked at Grossinger’s, until that hotel went the way of countless other borscht belt landmarks. Although a handful of big hotels survive, none of the others have a full-time entertainer. “I’m the last of the great tummlers,” Mr. Krohn said as he slipped a whoopee cushion beneath the bottom of an unsuspecting guest. “After I go, that’s it.”

During the apex of Catskill culture in the 1940’s, 50’s and 60’s, as many as 100 hotels employed tummlers, who would work in exchange for room and board and a modest salary. Part resident comic, part activities director, part hotel cheerleader, the tummler – derived from the Yiddish word for noisemaker – was expected to field guest complaints, organize talent shows, jump into the pool fully clothed or dash screaming through the lobby pursued by a knife-wielding chef.

Mr. Krohn is seemingly beloved by the regulars at Kutsher’s, although Mark Kutsher, who runs the sprawling 400-room place with his mother, Helen, winces at some of Mr. Krohn’s more off-color antics. “Sometimes I’m afraid of what he’s going to say,” he said, as Mr. Krohn darted through the lobby, late as usual, to Simon Sez.

June Macklin, a retired business owner from Queens who has been vacationing in the Catskills for five decades, said Mr. Krohn was part of the reason she kept coming back. “It’s a compulsion, this culture,” she said. Then glancing around the nearly deserted pool, she added, “and it’s dying before our very eyes.”

Mr. Krohn, too, is addicted to the place, although he has ambitions for greater stardom. Raised in Utica, N.Y., and trained as a special education teacher, he took a job at Grossinger’s at age 25 and became the assistant to Lou Goldstein, the self-proclaimed king of Simon Sez. One day when Mr. Goldstein had a nasty bout of sciatica, Mr. Krohn filled in for him and guests began clamoring for his absurdist style.

An exercise fanatic who runs and lifts weights daily, Mr. Krohn became a jump-rope superstar, landing in the Guinness Book of World Records for the most skips (332) per minute. He also excels at table tennis – he was once nationally rated – and can speak eight languages and offer up facts about world capitals, American presidents and other arcana with the rapid-fire delivery of an auctioneer. (“There are 360 dimples on a golf ball, 119 grooves on a quarter, 1,752 steps on the Eiffel Tower. …”)(Actually, there are 1,665 steps, according to the tower’s official Web site.)

His other hobby is being a compulsive flirt, and some of his most prized possessions are his snapshots of comely guests and seasonal hotel employees. He was married once, to a Briton who he says left him after she got her green card, and he still pines for a woman who died in a car accident many years ago. “I haven’t loved anyone since,” he said. Most nights, when everyone else is asleep, he takes her photo to the hill behind the golf course and stares at the sky for hours. He rarely sleeps more than two hours a night, he says, and refuels with quick naps between acts.

Home is a small room at the hotel, its walls covered with lime green shag carpeting, its closets stuffed with tools of the trade: a screechy violin, a battery-powered dancing rabbi and a dog-eared ventriloquist’s dummy named T. J. Justin Sinclair. There is also a Hershey’s Kiss outfit, 42 pairs of running shoes and a photo of him urinating behind the Hollywood home of Joan Collins. “I’m not normal,” he said, deadpan.

He is, by his own description, a melancholy man, albeit a good actor who can shine on cue. “I think about suicide a lot,” he said, sitting in his room during a break in his funnyman routine. “My final quest is to get on the Letterman show and then I’ll have nothing to live for.”

There was not much time for self-pity, however. A busload of elderly women had just arrived and Mr. Krohn was expected at a 3:45 p.m. event headlined “Trivia Time With Krazy Tyrone, the Master of Memory.” Realizing he was late again, he dropped the dummy, pulled on a red, white and blue spangled outfit and headed out the door dragging his duffel bag. “Hey lady,” he shouted at the first person he saw, “You got a Danish in that purse?”

ramblings

The List

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In college, my roommate Bryan introduced me to The List. The List is not something you want to be on, like People Magazine’s List of the 50 Sexiest People. Anything can make its way onto The List – it doesn’t matter if it is a person, place or thing. Adding something to The List is not done lightly either, for once added, the entry is permanent. While there are many things that may annoy you in life, only the truly special annoyances make it to The List. I try to keep my list as short as possible because it can get out of hand, like when Bryan and I added half of Binghamton University to The List one night at an after hours party. Use this concept with caution.

Today, I am adding bobblehead talkers to my list. You know who they are, the ones that say something and then nod over and over again as they say it, trying to convince you (or is it themselves?) about the validity of their statement. To me, it whiffs of condescension and is insulting – I do not need a prod in order to engage in a conversation. If I agree with you, I will agree and vice versa. A head nodding up and down will not sway my decision. Rather, it reminds me of how foreigners says “uh huh” at the end of every English sentence. My guide in the Monteverde Cloud Forest did this over and over again as he narrated our walk. “This is a walking stick. Uh huh. Over there, you can see a thrush. Uh huh. Hear it? Uh huh.” It was his way of saying “Yes? Am I right? Do you understand?” because he was unsure if he said it right. If you are a bobblehead talker, then you probably aren’t sure of yourself either. Stop letting the world in on your secret.